Making it personal
Nov. 5th, 2004 12:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annathepiperI've seen a whole lot on Livejournal this week about the election, about how it's polarized the country, about the hurt and shock and grief that a large portion of my Friends list is going through. And in the weeks leading up to this one, I've also seen things that have stuck with me from people on both sides of the political fence; some of these comments have been in decidedly negative contexts, some of them not so much. But there has been a great deal that's made me think.
And one thing in particular has resonated with me: the thought that at this point, the only chance we have of finding some common ground is to start telling people what it really means when they do things like vote in favor of banning same-sex marriages. That it means destroying chances at happiness for folks who are, by and large, just as decent and ethical and moral as straight folks. That we need to put a personal face on that which folks fear and clearly do not understand.
I'm not going to lock this post, though I will put the majority of it behind lj-cut tags just for the sake of not spamming people's Friends list with the length of what I want to say, and for the sake of better organizing my thoughts. I will also say in advance that rational and civil replies are welcome, though I retain the right to delete without reply any flames. I'm not looking to start a flamewar; rather, I am looking to find some common ground and to establish some understanding. Anyone who feels inclined, feel free to quote anything I say here elsewhere, or to spread the link to this post around as you see fit. Consider my permission given.
Hi. I'm Anna. For those of you who don't know already, I'm queer. And I'd like to tell you about myself.
Religiously speaking, I was raised a Southern Baptist in the state of Kentucky. For reasons that are not immediately pertinent to this post, my family is not exactly religious, and yet, a lot of us do have a core respect for the power of faith in hard times. I grew up seeing my kith and kin call on God in times of trouble. To this day I retain a strong respect for that; I believe with all my heart that there is a lot of power in faith in the divine. And I'm totally willing to stand back and let folks call on whatever god they wish if that's what they need to do to pull themselves through rough times in their lives.
As I grew up, though, I began to see things in the world that made me question what I had been taught. Things like, for example, people of religious persuasions all over the world saying, "We're the ones with the One True Faith." And I found myself asking, "How can you possibly know who's right?"
So far as I can tell, you can't. "We're right because God told us we are, and everybody else who says otherwise is wrong" doesn't cut it with me. Not when I see people in different religions all over the world saying the exact same thing.
What, therefore, do I believe? I consider myself agnostic, open to the possibility of a divine power existing, though my personal jury is out on what form that divine power should actually take. I tend to believe that people should be allowed to make that choice for themselves in their own hearts and to worship as they see fit, and that nobody should give them grief about it, ever. But I also don't believe that one should make a big public point of one's faith, either. One of the things out of the Bible that I'm sympathetic to is the bit in the New Testament where Jesus talks about how if you want to pray, do it in private. Don't go out and yell your prayers in the streets.
Accordingly, I don't believe that a government should favor one religion over another, either. I'm a really big fan of the separation of Church and State.
So if I don't consider myself religious, am I an ethical and moral person? I think so. I don't think that any one religion has a monopoly on the right way to behave. There are, however, some fairly widespread matters of ethics and morals that I believe in, and which I think I are independent of what religious faith you happen to uphold. These are things that I think are good to do just on the general grounds of making life easier not only for myself, but those around me as well.
#1, I believe in being good to your neighbor. Christianity puts this as "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Wicca puts this as "An ye harm none, do as you will." Another way to put this might be "what goes around comes around". All branches off the same tree as far as I'm concerned, and what it boils down to is this: if someone around you needs help and support, give it. You will never know when you'll need help and support back from that person.
Because of this, there are some concepts in the Ten Commandments that I'm down with even though I'm not a Christian. "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and "Thou Shalt Not Steal", yep, I'm good with those.
#2, I believe in the sanctity of family. Your kinfolk are to be treasured. "Honor Thy Father and Mother" is another commandment I can support.
At the same time, though, I also believe that there is no one set definition of family. I do not believe that you only have a family if you have a daddy, a mommy, 2.3 kids, a dog and a cat, and a house with a white picket fence. What makes a family is the love and care that a group of people have for one another, not whether they are of a given set of genders.
#3, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and committed relationships. However, as ought to be obvious by my declaration of being queer, I don't believe that marriage should be the exclusive right of those in relationships involving the opposite sex. I have seen far too many perfectly decent people who just happen to love people of the same gender they are to believe anything but this.
As with my previous comments re: family, I do not believe that you have to be the opposite gender from your partner in order to love that person with all your heart and to make a loving, committed relationship with them. Once you do go down that road, though, once you pledge yourself to someone for life, you should take that absolutely seriously. You should never get married for a lark. You should never get married just because you think it would be 'fun' (and yes, Britney Spears, I'm looking in your direction).
#4, I don't buy that you have to abstain from sex before you commit yourself to a relationship, but if you're going to be sexually active, by whatever god you choose to name, please be responsible about it. See my previous commentary re: doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and being good to your neighbor. This is all the more vital if you're going to share intimacies with someone.
#5, I believe in good, honest hard work.
#6, I believe in the sanctity of the planet we live on. It's only going to take care of us as long as we take care of it. Again, see previous commentary re: doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. This includes our planet.
#7, I believe in telling somebody how much you appreciate it if they've committed an act of art you love. In fact, I believe in telling people in general if you appreciate them.
#8, I believe in science and the pursuit of knowledge.
#9, I believe in music. BOY HOWDY, do I believe in music. People should sing more just for the joy of it.
#10, I believe in the beauty of languages of all kinds. I lament that I do not have more hours in my day just so that I may give proper attention to learning German, French, Norwegian, and both Irish and Scots Gaelic.
#11, I believe in being responsible with your money, whether you are an individual, a city, or a nation. If you can't reasonably afford it or work up to affording it in the near future, don't try to screw yourself over by pretending you can.
#12, I believe in being responsible with your body. If you've been making a habit of eating regular meals at McDonald's, you have absolutely no right to try to sue them for making you fat. I believe we'd all be rather healthier if more of us would just be willing to eat less and exercise more. And I acknowledge that it's awfully hard to do this, since I am struggling with the willpower to do it myself.
#13, I believe in taking responsibility for your own actions, and in good old-fashioned common sense. Makers of children's costumes should not have to put warning labels such as "cape does not enable wearer to fly" on their product. If you screw up something, be willing to deal with the consequences.
But at the same time, I believe in not beating yourself up over screwing something up, either. Take your responsibility, deal with the consequences, and then move on. Life continues. So will you.
I think that's enough for now. I will post more as it comes to mind, and as I feel the need to get it out there.
Be well, all.
And one thing in particular has resonated with me: the thought that at this point, the only chance we have of finding some common ground is to start telling people what it really means when they do things like vote in favor of banning same-sex marriages. That it means destroying chances at happiness for folks who are, by and large, just as decent and ethical and moral as straight folks. That we need to put a personal face on that which folks fear and clearly do not understand.
I'm not going to lock this post, though I will put the majority of it behind lj-cut tags just for the sake of not spamming people's Friends list with the length of what I want to say, and for the sake of better organizing my thoughts. I will also say in advance that rational and civil replies are welcome, though I retain the right to delete without reply any flames. I'm not looking to start a flamewar; rather, I am looking to find some common ground and to establish some understanding. Anyone who feels inclined, feel free to quote anything I say here elsewhere, or to spread the link to this post around as you see fit. Consider my permission given.
Hi. I'm Anna. For those of you who don't know already, I'm queer. And I'd like to tell you about myself.
Religiously speaking, I was raised a Southern Baptist in the state of Kentucky. For reasons that are not immediately pertinent to this post, my family is not exactly religious, and yet, a lot of us do have a core respect for the power of faith in hard times. I grew up seeing my kith and kin call on God in times of trouble. To this day I retain a strong respect for that; I believe with all my heart that there is a lot of power in faith in the divine. And I'm totally willing to stand back and let folks call on whatever god they wish if that's what they need to do to pull themselves through rough times in their lives.
As I grew up, though, I began to see things in the world that made me question what I had been taught. Things like, for example, people of religious persuasions all over the world saying, "We're the ones with the One True Faith." And I found myself asking, "How can you possibly know who's right?"
So far as I can tell, you can't. "We're right because God told us we are, and everybody else who says otherwise is wrong" doesn't cut it with me. Not when I see people in different religions all over the world saying the exact same thing.
What, therefore, do I believe? I consider myself agnostic, open to the possibility of a divine power existing, though my personal jury is out on what form that divine power should actually take. I tend to believe that people should be allowed to make that choice for themselves in their own hearts and to worship as they see fit, and that nobody should give them grief about it, ever. But I also don't believe that one should make a big public point of one's faith, either. One of the things out of the Bible that I'm sympathetic to is the bit in the New Testament where Jesus talks about how if you want to pray, do it in private. Don't go out and yell your prayers in the streets.
Accordingly, I don't believe that a government should favor one religion over another, either. I'm a really big fan of the separation of Church and State.
So if I don't consider myself religious, am I an ethical and moral person? I think so. I don't think that any one religion has a monopoly on the right way to behave. There are, however, some fairly widespread matters of ethics and morals that I believe in, and which I think I are independent of what religious faith you happen to uphold. These are things that I think are good to do just on the general grounds of making life easier not only for myself, but those around me as well.
#1, I believe in being good to your neighbor. Christianity puts this as "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Wicca puts this as "An ye harm none, do as you will." Another way to put this might be "what goes around comes around". All branches off the same tree as far as I'm concerned, and what it boils down to is this: if someone around you needs help and support, give it. You will never know when you'll need help and support back from that person.
Because of this, there are some concepts in the Ten Commandments that I'm down with even though I'm not a Christian. "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and "Thou Shalt Not Steal", yep, I'm good with those.
#2, I believe in the sanctity of family. Your kinfolk are to be treasured. "Honor Thy Father and Mother" is another commandment I can support.
At the same time, though, I also believe that there is no one set definition of family. I do not believe that you only have a family if you have a daddy, a mommy, 2.3 kids, a dog and a cat, and a house with a white picket fence. What makes a family is the love and care that a group of people have for one another, not whether they are of a given set of genders.
#3, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and committed relationships. However, as ought to be obvious by my declaration of being queer, I don't believe that marriage should be the exclusive right of those in relationships involving the opposite sex. I have seen far too many perfectly decent people who just happen to love people of the same gender they are to believe anything but this.
As with my previous comments re: family, I do not believe that you have to be the opposite gender from your partner in order to love that person with all your heart and to make a loving, committed relationship with them. Once you do go down that road, though, once you pledge yourself to someone for life, you should take that absolutely seriously. You should never get married for a lark. You should never get married just because you think it would be 'fun' (and yes, Britney Spears, I'm looking in your direction).
#4, I don't buy that you have to abstain from sex before you commit yourself to a relationship, but if you're going to be sexually active, by whatever god you choose to name, please be responsible about it. See my previous commentary re: doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and being good to your neighbor. This is all the more vital if you're going to share intimacies with someone.
#5, I believe in good, honest hard work.
#6, I believe in the sanctity of the planet we live on. It's only going to take care of us as long as we take care of it. Again, see previous commentary re: doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. This includes our planet.
#7, I believe in telling somebody how much you appreciate it if they've committed an act of art you love. In fact, I believe in telling people in general if you appreciate them.
#8, I believe in science and the pursuit of knowledge.
#9, I believe in music. BOY HOWDY, do I believe in music. People should sing more just for the joy of it.
#10, I believe in the beauty of languages of all kinds. I lament that I do not have more hours in my day just so that I may give proper attention to learning German, French, Norwegian, and both Irish and Scots Gaelic.
#11, I believe in being responsible with your money, whether you are an individual, a city, or a nation. If you can't reasonably afford it or work up to affording it in the near future, don't try to screw yourself over by pretending you can.
#12, I believe in being responsible with your body. If you've been making a habit of eating regular meals at McDonald's, you have absolutely no right to try to sue them for making you fat. I believe we'd all be rather healthier if more of us would just be willing to eat less and exercise more. And I acknowledge that it's awfully hard to do this, since I am struggling with the willpower to do it myself.
#13, I believe in taking responsibility for your own actions, and in good old-fashioned common sense. Makers of children's costumes should not have to put warning labels such as "cape does not enable wearer to fly" on their product. If you screw up something, be willing to deal with the consequences.
But at the same time, I believe in not beating yourself up over screwing something up, either. Take your responsibility, deal with the consequences, and then move on. Life continues. So will you.
I think that's enough for now. I will post more as it comes to mind, and as I feel the need to get it out there.
Be well, all.
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Nitpick
Date: 2004-11-06 12:07 am (UTC)Re: Nitpick
Date: 2004-11-06 04:09 am (UTC)