Making it personal

[annathepiper]

I've seen a whole lot on Livejournal this week about the election, about how it's polarized the country, about the hurt and shock and grief that a large portion of my Friends list is going through. And in the weeks leading up to this one, I've also seen things that have stuck with me from people on both sides of the political fence; some of these comments have been in decidedly negative contexts, some of them not so much. But there has been a great deal that's made me think.

And one thing in particular has resonated with me: the thought that at this point, the only chance we have of finding some common ground is to start telling people what it really means when they do things like vote in favor of banning same-sex marriages. That it means destroying chances at happiness for folks who are, by and large, just as decent and ethical and moral as straight folks. That we need to put a personal face on that which folks fear and clearly do not understand.

I'm not going to lock this post, though I will put the majority of it behind lj-cut tags just for the sake of not spamming people's Friends list with the length of what I want to say, and for the sake of better organizing my thoughts. I will also say in advance that rational and civil replies are welcome, though I retain the right to delete without reply any flames. I'm not looking to start a flamewar; rather, I am looking to find some common ground and to establish some understanding. Anyone who feels inclined, feel free to quote anything I say here elsewhere, or to spread the link to this post around as you see fit. Consider my permission given.

Hi. I'm Anna. For those of you who don't know already, I'm queer. And I'd like to tell you about myself.


Religiously speaking, I was raised a Southern Baptist in the state of Kentucky. For reasons that are not immediately pertinent to this post, my family is not exactly religious, and yet, a lot of us do have a core respect for the power of faith in hard times. I grew up seeing my kith and kin call on God in times of trouble. To this day I retain a strong respect for that; I believe with all my heart that there is a lot of power in faith in the divine. And I'm totally willing to stand back and let folks call on whatever god they wish if that's what they need to do to pull themselves through rough times in their lives.

As I grew up, though, I began to see things in the world that made me question what I had been taught. Things like, for example, people of religious persuasions all over the world saying, "We're the ones with the One True Faith." And I found myself asking, "How can you possibly know who's right?"

So far as I can tell, you can't. "We're right because God told us we are, and everybody else who says otherwise is wrong" doesn't cut it with me. Not when I see people in different religions all over the world saying the exact same thing.

What, therefore, do I believe? I consider myself agnostic, open to the possibility of a divine power existing, though my personal jury is out on what form that divine power should actually take. I tend to believe that people should be allowed to make that choice for themselves in their own hearts and to worship as they see fit, and that nobody should give them grief about it, ever. But I also don't believe that one should make a big public point of one's faith, either. One of the things out of the Bible that I'm sympathetic to is the bit in the New Testament where Jesus talks about how if you want to pray, do it in private. Don't go out and yell your prayers in the streets.

Accordingly, I don't believe that a government should favor one religion over another, either. I'm a really big fan of the separation of Church and State.



So if I don't consider myself religious, am I an ethical and moral person? I think so. I don't think that any one religion has a monopoly on the right way to behave. There are, however, some fairly widespread matters of ethics and morals that I believe in, and which I think I are independent of what religious faith you happen to uphold. These are things that I think are good to do just on the general grounds of making life easier not only for myself, but those around me as well.

#1, I believe in being good to your neighbor. Christianity puts this as "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Wicca puts this as "An ye harm none, do as you will." Another way to put this might be "what goes around comes around". All branches off the same tree as far as I'm concerned, and what it boils down to is this: if someone around you needs help and support, give it. You will never know when you'll need help and support back from that person.

Because of this, there are some concepts in the Ten Commandments that I'm down with even though I'm not a Christian. "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and "Thou Shalt Not Steal", yep, I'm good with those.

#2, I believe in the sanctity of family. Your kinfolk are to be treasured. "Honor Thy Father and Mother" is another commandment I can support.

At the same time, though, I also believe that there is no one set definition of family. I do not believe that you only have a family if you have a daddy, a mommy, 2.3 kids, a dog and a cat, and a house with a white picket fence. What makes a family is the love and care that a group of people have for one another, not whether they are of a given set of genders.

#3, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and committed relationships. However, as ought to be obvious by my declaration of being queer, I don't believe that marriage should be the exclusive right of those in relationships involving the opposite sex. I have seen far too many perfectly decent people who just happen to love people of the same gender they are to believe anything but this.

As with my previous comments re: family, I do not believe that you have to be the opposite gender from your partner in order to love that person with all your heart and to make a loving, committed relationship with them. Once you do go down that road, though, once you pledge yourself to someone for life, you should take that absolutely seriously. You should never get married for a lark. You should never get married just because you think it would be 'fun' (and yes, Britney Spears, I'm looking in your direction).

#4, I don't buy that you have to abstain from sex before you commit yourself to a relationship, but if you're going to be sexually active, by whatever god you choose to name, please be responsible about it. See my previous commentary re: doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and being good to your neighbor. This is all the more vital if you're going to share intimacies with someone.

#5, I believe in good, honest hard work.

#6, I believe in the sanctity of the planet we live on. It's only going to take care of us as long as we take care of it. Again, see previous commentary re: doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. This includes our planet.

#7, I believe in telling somebody how much you appreciate it if they've committed an act of art you love. In fact, I believe in telling people in general if you appreciate them.

#8, I believe in science and the pursuit of knowledge.

#9, I believe in music. BOY HOWDY, do I believe in music. People should sing more just for the joy of it.

#10, I believe in the beauty of languages of all kinds. I lament that I do not have more hours in my day just so that I may give proper attention to learning German, French, Norwegian, and both Irish and Scots Gaelic.

#11, I believe in being responsible with your money, whether you are an individual, a city, or a nation. If you can't reasonably afford it or work up to affording it in the near future, don't try to screw yourself over by pretending you can.

#12, I believe in being responsible with your body. If you've been making a habit of eating regular meals at McDonald's, you have absolutely no right to try to sue them for making you fat. I believe we'd all be rather healthier if more of us would just be willing to eat less and exercise more. And I acknowledge that it's awfully hard to do this, since I am struggling with the willpower to do it myself.

#13, I believe in taking responsibility for your own actions, and in good old-fashioned common sense. Makers of children's costumes should not have to put warning labels such as "cape does not enable wearer to fly" on their product. If you screw up something, be willing to deal with the consequences.

But at the same time, I believe in not beating yourself up over screwing something up, either. Take your responsibility, deal with the consequences, and then move on. Life continues. So will you.


I think that's enough for now. I will post more as it comes to mind, and as I feel the need to get it out there.

Be well, all.

Comments

[terlan.livejournal.com]

Anna.. You need to listen to the song "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. I think that you'd find a lot to like about that song.

With that said: *BIGWARMFUZZYHUG* You rock. It's people like you who make this country great, IMNSHO. Thanks for sharing your PoV. It was enlightening and encouraging.

In closing: I'm very glad and honored to know you, even if only virtually. Keep your chin (and spirits) up through this all.

[annathepiper]

*hugs back* Thank you very much.

[damara.livejournal.com]

Just for the record, thank you.

That's well expressed and thoughtful. I appreciate the chance to read it. ;)

[annathepiper]

You're quite welcome, and thank you for the warm words. :)

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

I think you know my political stance. :)

What I like about your post is that it's not inflammatory. I've been writing a fair bit about politics the last few days myself, and I'm trying not to be inflammatory myself. I don't want to be seen as damning anyone, or blaming anyone. At this point I feel like I'm past that; I feel like the country is past that. My questions are no longer whose fault this mess is, or whether fault is an appropriate word to apply, but whether America as envisioned by those who support Bush is a place I want to be. It's become a much sadder and more frightening world for me the last few days.

[annathepiper]

I hear that, babe.

Yeah, I'm really not interested in making any more enemies. I've already lost three friends over this, and may possibly lose a fourth, which really breaks my heart.

But talking has to happen. Communication has to happen. Hopefully it will accomplish something.

On a thread elsewhere, I saw someone post a request for comfort because he had been distraught over the way the election went (he was a Kerry supporter). I saw two others post that they were glad that Bush had won, specifically because they were against same-sex marriage. So I had to quietly speak up and say that like the original poster, I was hurting, because, well, I'm queer.

The original poster then lamented, "Why do comfort threads have to turn into battlegrounds?"

I don't want a battleground. But I am acutely conscious now that voices need to be heard on both sides, even as I am saddened that many do not seem to want to hear them.

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

I Believe. (or "amen" as some other folks would say)

Thank you for posting this. I'm glad to have met you - if only online...but you're not too far away, so maybe a coffee (tea?) wouldn't be out of the question somewhere down the road (if only in cyberspace). ;)

[annathepiper]

You're most welcome. And no, not too terribly far away at all. :) If I get myself down into Oregon any time soon, we should definitely have some sort of genial beverage in a public setting!

Perhaps if I come down for a science fiction convention or something. Friends up here keep telling me to go to Orycon. :)

[caligogreywings.livejournal.com]

I appreciate you. :)

[annathepiper]

Thank you kindly. :) It's mutual!

Nitpick

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Actually, it doesn't say not to kill: that was a mistranslation. It says not to murder. After all, the Old Testament reports that God told the Israelites to kill plenty of times.

Re: Nitpick

[annathepiper]

Ah yes--I've heard of this issue before, actually. Thank you for the reminder. :) I don't take issue with that version of the commandment, either.

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

That was... deep... Very Deep, and obviously well thought out... And I find myself sharing a lot more common ground with you than I previously thought... I was raised and taught to treat everyone with the same respect I would expect of them... Which I do up to a point... You mess with me or mine, said respect goes out the window, and I go into nasty bastard mode and make your life hell... I was raised in a Christian home (I would call it non-declared protestant, as we attendend a variety of churches of different bent) and still hold to most of what I was taught, though I have chosen a different path... I didn't feel comfortable being preached to by people who would go against what they supposedly taught whenever the whim hit them. Don't get me wrong, there are some good (what I'd call TRUE) Christians out there (my parents are the example I use frequently, because they accept people no matter what their belief, color, creed, sexuality, etc. and don't condemn them.) Those who proselytize, and push their beliefs off on others and condemn those who think or believe different I classify as charlatans. Just the way I see things.

As far as family is concerned, those who I am close to, in some form or another, I consider family, as well as some who are not so close in proximity, but still close in heart... Example, those I have gotten to know by attending the nearby coven gatherings of the WhiteStag group, and to some extent Anna and Dara, and others on the Elfinkind Digest that Dara has run for the past umpteen yrs...

Music- well, that speaks for itself... I listen to just about anything but most country (sorry, never could grok it), and Rap (that's just crap IMHO)... I listen to Jazz, Blues, Rock (new and classic), Folk, Filk, New Age, etc... Music is what gets me by a lot of the time...

Have I covered everything, sister?

Just for the heck of it...

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

Here's something I think we all need about now... It's a song that was sung to me by a certain Elspeth and Nybor of the Haven Community a few years back, and still brings tears to my eyes when I hear it... No matter what anyone else, in their closed-minded bigotry, may think of you -us- because we're different, we're all beautiful:

"How could anyone ever tell you you are anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you you are less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul.

Re: Just for the heck of it...

[annathepiper]

That's sweet. :) Thanks for sharing it. :)

Re: Just for the heck of it...

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

no problem... always gives me warm fuzzies when i hear it... saw elspeth at a gathering in july and she sang it to me again...

Re: Just for the heck of it...

[annathepiper]

Cool. :)

[annathepiper]

You bring up another form of what I was trying to talk about in my original post, and that being the idea of when so many different flavors of religion are all saying, "We're the one true faith," how can you tell which one is right? This also happens amongst different flavors of what is in theory the overall same faith. Such as, for example, Christianity. Catholics believe different things from Protestants, who believe different things from Methodists, who believe different things from Lutherans, who believe different things from Baptists, etc.

I find a much more reliable benchmark of decency and morality to be just simply how people treat one another, and I am privileged to count among my friends those who are just good to one another no matter what their personal faiths--including a specific lack of religious faith.

And yeah, you've pretty much gotten it all. :)

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

those types who think that they're the ONLY ones that are right, and take every little quirky accident as a sign from "god"... like the "friend" who took tripping over her own two feet as a "sign from god" that she shouldnt be friends with me anymore... imho, she needs to see a shrink.. but i digress...

[annathepiper]

Well, keep in mind that belief in one's faith being the exclusively right one does not mean that the person is a wackjob who needs to see a shrink. In that person's case, she may well have had the latter problem--but it's important to remember that this is hardly going to be something you can unilaterally apply to every religious person.

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

in her case (and her daughter's) that is the case... I'm just glad to be free of that weight... I guess I just care so much about people that it took having a building dropped on me to wake me up to the fact that it was always only a one-way relationship... ::sigh::

[annathepiper]

Yeah, it's very hard to come to realize that about someone you care about. But on your behalf, I'm glad you don't have to deal with it anymore.

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

That makes 2 of us, but I'm sure she and her psycho-bitch daughter are still blaming me for their problems... At least I don't have to worry about her trying to beg money off of me for cigarettes anymore, and I can spend my bonus incentive check from work on myself for a change :)

[annathepiper]

That does sound like an improvement, yes.

[flashfire.livejournal.com]

Very, very well said. Mind if I link to it?

[annathepiper]

Not at all. As I said in the intro to the post, quote me or pass the link around as you see fit. And thank you. :)

[flashfire.livejournal.com]

Ah, right. By the time I got to the end, I forgot the beginning. ;-)

[annathepiper]

*snort* I'll try not to take this as commentary on the forgettability of my writing. ;)

[flashfire.livejournal.com]

Noooooo. It's more to do with my memory. ;-)

[annathepiper]

Heh. Duly noted. ;)

[shikyrie.livejournal.com]

I'll do likewise... Thanks :)

[annathepiper]

You're quite welcome. :)

[janne.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear. *hug*

[annathepiper]

*hugs back* Thanks!

[lokifrost.livejournal.com]

I am re-posting as well. IMO, (nutshell) your post mirrors the central core values of three equally "codes and creeds" that all people of good faith should try to live by:

Bushido (http://mcel.pacificu.edu/as/students/bushido/bindex.html)

Judea-Christian dogma (http://www.ten-commandments.us/biblesays.html)

US Army Ranger Creed (http://www.livejournal.com/users/lokifrost/904.html)

Well done, well done indeed!

[annathepiper]

Thank you very much for letting me know. :) And thank you in general!

(I love your icon, by the way! Appeals to both my inner Tolkien geek AND my inner computer geek!)

[rathess.livejournal.com]

That is beautiful. I am so happy that people are making posts like this. I plan to make a link to this in my Journal. Thank you.

[annathepiper]

Thank you very kindly for letting me know, and you're most welcome. :)

On religion

[(Anonymous)]

Your religious background sounds fairly similar to mine. A great many of my family are Southern Baptists, yet my immediate family were at best,marginally so-religion was never really a major focus,it was sort of a on Sunday/ Realm of the Aether kind of thing. This was a source of distress to some of my family,who felt,as a child, I was being neglected from a religious standpoint..they couldn't believe someone not strict Baptist could be moral..they were also very anti-technology(this didn't go over well with my Dad,doesn't go over well with me)despite the fact many of them owe their lives to advanced technology.(An aunt of mine claims to hate computers..yet when I pointed out her pacemaker is a type of computer,her response was "that's different"..Oh-Kayyyy).
I never argue with family-it's just a headbanging session with no possible positive outcome.
Strangest "sermon" I ever received from family-one inspired(if that's the right word) by the startup spiel from "Battlestar Galactica"-I'm not making that up...Must've left the Loony Electromagnet on that day...Scott

Re: On religion

[annathepiper]

I've got my share of deeply religious persons in my family, but they're mostly the older generation. My own immediate family members are the ones I'm thinking of who are the not-without-faith-but-not-'religious'-quote-unquote types; my own father, when I approached him for that Talk that all parents wind up having to have with their kids who are Growing Up(TM), exemplified this when he pretty much told me to do what I felt was right, just be responsible about it.

It's a message that has stayed with me ever since. And one which makes me miss my dad all the more.

I do have to wonder what kind of sermon could actually have any connection whatsoever to Battlestar Galactica, though. :)

Re: On religion

[(Anonymous)]

Remember the short spiel before the music started? I don't remember it word for word,but the last phrase was "..and somewhere beyond the heavens"..or something similar. That started it.
I am glad beyond glad my immediate family used religion as a guideline and not a schematic.The trouble started after my Dad died(1976)-all the loonies my Dad wouldn't let in the house sort of appeared(mainly for a free place to stay and to steal stuff,as far as I could ever tell.My Mom felt sorry for them,and bought some of their B.S.tales of woe for a while)Though professing to be deeply religious, part of their belief was that if you take something from family without asking,it isn't stealing..if you have more than one of anything,you "owe" them one..other nifty things like that.
I worked at a Methodist college for a while(always wanted to ask which method they used..)and at least 95% of them were NOT of the fundamentalist type.The percentage is likely higher-in the 9 years I was there I met 3 "hardshells". The vast majority were decent,kind folks..Scott

Re: On religion

[annathepiper]

Oh, I definitely remember the spiel: "There are those who believe that life here began out there, with tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians. Or the Toltecs. Or the Mayans. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive--somewhere, beyond the heavens..."

(I am kind of appalled that I actually remember all of that, but hey!)

What I don't get, though, is how you can get anything remotely religious out of that. ;)

[cafiorello.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks for sharing--nicely done!
Cathy

[annathepiper]

*hugs back* Thank you!

*Applauds*

[murson.livejournal.com]

Well said, Anna - very well said indeed.

When it comes down to it, my own view is that someone's choice of partner, sexuality, religion, food, favourite music, or anything else that is part of their personal life should be exactly that: personal. Neither the state, nor the church, nor indeed anyone else has any business messing with other folk's lives.

Perhaps if more people got this, the world would be a happier place. Hey, I can dream, right?

Re: *Applauds*

[annathepiper]

Thank you, hon. And yeah, it's a good dream, isn't it?

Trying to do something about it in my own little way is the whole point of this post. I don't know if I'll change anyone's mind, but hey, maybe somebody will read this, and some common ground can be found.