This is it, folks...
Aug. 22nd, 2005 06:36 pmTomorrow is Surgery Day. I have to go without dinner tonight, and I have to get up at godawful-early-thirty with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
solarbird, who will drive me to the hospital since I will not be allowed to wear my contacts tomorrow morning. The good part is, at least, that I don't have to worry about testing anything for the next two weeks.
And now, my Top Ten List of Things I Promise Not to Do At the Hospital Tomorrow:
10. Just as I'm going under with the anesthesia, peer at the scalpel and say, "Ooh, that looks like fun. Can I try?"
9. Look suspiciously at the first nurse who administers my painkiller after I wake up, and demand to know if they're a Cylon.
8. Leave my bed in the middle of the night, find something wooden, sharp, and pointy, and look for any bodies with suspicious bite marks on the neck.
7. Demand to know whether the tissue extracted from my neck will be fed to any ravening demons to give them my scent for later hunting and consumption.
6. Draw extra scars on my throat, using red Magic Marker.
5. Draw extra scars on the throat of whatever patient is sharing my room with me overnight.
4. Accuse the other patient in the room of being a zombie, and hide my head under pillow so as to conceal my large, tasty brain.
3. Imperiously order the night nurse to bathe Alan Doyle and bring him to my "chamber".
2. Claim that removed thyroid was in fact conjoined twin, and insist that it is going to sneak into my room through the air vents in the middle of the night, bent on once more becoming one with its host.
And the Number One Thing I Promise Not to Do At the Hospital Tomorrow:
1. When asked what medications I am taking prior to the surgery, say, "Kamala extract." Feign hallucinations and start quoting from the Scrolls of Pythia, and demand to know when I can address the Fleet to assure them that it is my sole purpose to lead them to Earth.
Monday miles: 0.1
Miles out of Hobbiton: 319.3
Miles to Rivendell: 138.7
solarbird, who will drive me to the hospital since I will not be allowed to wear my contacts tomorrow morning. The good part is, at least, that I don't have to worry about testing anything for the next two weeks.And now, my Top Ten List of Things I Promise Not to Do At the Hospital Tomorrow:
10. Just as I'm going under with the anesthesia, peer at the scalpel and say, "Ooh, that looks like fun. Can I try?"
9. Look suspiciously at the first nurse who administers my painkiller after I wake up, and demand to know if they're a Cylon.
8. Leave my bed in the middle of the night, find something wooden, sharp, and pointy, and look for any bodies with suspicious bite marks on the neck.
7. Demand to know whether the tissue extracted from my neck will be fed to any ravening demons to give them my scent for later hunting and consumption.
6. Draw extra scars on my throat, using red Magic Marker.
5. Draw extra scars on the throat of whatever patient is sharing my room with me overnight.
4. Accuse the other patient in the room of being a zombie, and hide my head under pillow so as to conceal my large, tasty brain.
3. Imperiously order the night nurse to bathe Alan Doyle and bring him to my "chamber".
2. Claim that removed thyroid was in fact conjoined twin, and insist that it is going to sneak into my room through the air vents in the middle of the night, bent on once more becoming one with its host.
And the Number One Thing I Promise Not to Do At the Hospital Tomorrow:
1. When asked what medications I am taking prior to the surgery, say, "Kamala extract." Feign hallucinations and start quoting from the Scrolls of Pythia, and demand to know when I can address the Fleet to assure them that it is my sole purpose to lead them to Earth.
Monday miles: 0.1
Miles out of Hobbiton: 319.3
Miles to Rivendell: 138.7
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