Well. This is, um, different...

[annathepiper]

Today's followup visit with Dr. Towbin turned out to not be with Dr. Towbin, but with one of his assistants--I think. I completely spaced on getting her name. I was too distracted by the removal of the dressing and drain from around my chest, not to mention my first look at the chest itself.


solarbird told me it looked better than she expected. Me, I admit I fruck right out for a bit and couldn't look for more than a moment or two. It was just too damned strange to see a flat area with a long, curving scar where my breast used to be. It's also damned strange to feel the weight difference on right vs. left; it's certainly distinct enough to feel, though I can't tell yet if it's distinct enough to screw around with my balance.

The nurse/assistant did a good solid job anyway taking off all the rigging they had around me, and taking the drain out in particular. I didn't look at that at all. It hurt. Apparently there was a piece of it that was noticeably bigger than the hole it was pulled out of. To wit, ow.

Once it was out, though, as I was advised would be the case, I started feeling significantly less pain. I have a new Vicodin prescription, but I also have one for Naproxen, to try to mix that in with the Vicodin as I wean myself down. The way this'll probably work will be like it's worked for my previous medical adventures--taking the lesser stuff during the day and the harder stuff for sleeping.

I forgot to ask about the Tamoxifen question, partly because I was just generally distracted and a little freaked, and partly because it wasn't actually Dr. Towbin that we saw. But the nurse/assistant did give us a copy of my path report, which was negative, and that was the main question. However, I will be calling them back tomorrow to get a confirmation on that and will check with Dr. Kohn as well before I ditch the Tamoxifen completely.

It helped though that I was able to put on a bra again for the first time since the surgery, even if I had to stuff the right side with cotton to try to balance me out a bit. Better yet, I was able to take a decent bath tonight and wash my hair.

I begin to feel more normal. Still deeply weirded out every time I look at myself in the mirror, but Dara has hugged me a lot, and I am grateful that I'll have a couple more weeks yet to get used to the new state of my chest. It also helps some to know, as Dara has reminded me, that this should be a temporary state of affairs. And that in mid-August or so, we can start looking at launching Operation Boob Stabilization.

Comments

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

Ask the Breast Cancer people. There are silicon breasts you can stuff the bra with that move and feel more natural. Normally they cost a fortune for small breasted women, but they are Medical Equipment and can be had for cheap or free to Cancer Survivors. There are also special bras that can hold the silly things, but you may not need that for such a short period.
Then you can have a "Fling the Boobie" once it isn't needed anymore.
Glad you are healing so well.
*hugs*

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

Wow. You are doing great.

While it does sound deeply weird, yay on the negative path and the good pain control and the hugs etc!

[annathepiper]

Thank you very much. :)

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

negative path is AWESOME.

the rest of it: not awesome. Except your strength and your attitude. that part is AWESOME again.

[annathepiper]

Thank you. That means a lot to me. :)

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

The time I had a drainage bulb removed, the nurse who did it told me it would feel like carpet burn. I'm not sure that was the right simile. :)

*hugs*

[annathepiper]

*hugs a bunch* Nope, definitely didn't feel like carpet burn. More like "having something pulled through a hole that's a lot smaller than it is"!

[ghost-light.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you will find this funny yet, but my grandmother had a double mastectomy and I remember her going through the house looking for the padding for her bra complaining that she'd misplaced her boobs again.

[annathepiper]

Hee, yes, that's funny. ^_^

[grian-ruadh.livejournal.com]

I am so SO glad that things are going well and that you're on the mend. *hugs* Love ya, babe! :D

[annathepiper]

*snugs!* Thank you very much. And likewise. :)

[xpioti.livejournal.com]

*hugs!*

[annathepiper]

*hugs back!* Thanks.

[ceallaighgirl.livejournal.com]

Man, that must be weird (though if I had one of my boobs removed, I don't think anybody would notice). But yay for vicodin! I hope that you heal quickly and easily!!

Also, you should get a fake boob and fill it with your favourite soda or beer and run a straw to it. Kind of like a camelbak but a . . . camelboob. Except near the end of the day, people might start giving you funny looks when you've drank it all and you start looking very lopsided.

Anyway, I'm glad that you're doing well.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

*LOL* that's the best one I've heard yet...

'course, if we game this out... a straw with a lid, you could blow air back in and equalize things... :)

(I hope we know Anna's sense of humor well enough that this jives with it... :)

BTW. You shoot. Where? I desperately needs some range time....

[akadriver.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear about the negative path report and that you're on the mend. I like the idea of a 'fling the boobie' ceremony that lisa_marli posted up above, if you do decide on a temp breast.

[annathepiper]

Thanks! And yeah, me too. :)

[poetry-lady.livejournal.com]

YAY negative path report!! YAY for you doing so well!! YAY for Dara!!!!! And YAY for all the boob-stuffing ideas. :) I think you should do a short story. :)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I bet it's weird--honestly, that seems a bit understatement, but you were there, not me. :( But I admire you for your strength at coping. And I send you speedy healing energy. :)

[annathepiper]

Heh, I suspect that this one-breasted thing will show up somewhere in a story. I don't know where yet.

And aw, thank you. *^_^* For the kind words and the healing thoughts both.

[neutronjockey.livejournal.com]

Naproxen is the devil! The Navy prescribed it to me for pain management--- it took a couple of times on the stuff before I realized I was slurring my speech, bumping off of walls and living in some weird state of mind.

Hammerpants is a pretty special person---I'm glad you have her around.

[annathepiper]

Huh, so far Naproxen hasn't been any more potent to me than the Vicodin; I've been fairly clear-headed through most of this past week, just occasionally wobbly.

And yeah, she is pretty nifty. I think I'll keep her. <3

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

*hugs and hugs and HUGS*

[annathepiper]

*huggaKit* Thanks, babe. :)

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Yay, less pain! And for me, Naproxen is Little Blue Happy Pills. Two surgeries now (one minor, and the one major that you know about), and I never took anything other than Little Blues post-hospital. Ever.

Different folks respond differently; figure out what works for you. Some folks, it's plain old aspirin. cflute goes with ibuprofen. Some, tylenol is all that works (but I consider that stuff the devil; too easy to overdose and the damage is liver, fast and permanent as in sayonara. I *like* having you around!)

And yay bath time! That had to feel good.

And *hugs* from here, too. Yes, part of you is gone, and you had every right to freak the hell out. But the most important part, the part of you that's determined to kick this thing straight back to Mars, barefoot, is still *very* much in evidence... and I put in a call to Marvin just before I wrote this, that he darn well better brace for incoming. :)

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

also concur re aspirin although note that enteric coating makes it less damaging to one's gizzards

[janne.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[annathepiper]

*hugs back* Thank you. :)

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

glad to hear of negative path report; in point, very very glad to hear of it. would offer to go do cartwheels in the street, but we're having wet snow right now (june, wet snow, urk!)

portable hugs to you

concur with what himself had said anent naproxen. note that it wants lots of water being drunk alongside. ^_^

[gerimaple.livejournal.com]

wahooo! negative path = they GOT the mofo this time! :) hearty cheers from me and darthfrog and I, with a loud WOOF from Shadow the Wonder Puppy.

also, what technoshaman said about Being ALLOWED to freak out as much as necessary while your brain reconfigures. *gentle hugs to you and Dara both*

[annathepiper]

*snugs* Thanks much. :)

[peregrine-ek.livejournal.com]

Anna, I am glad the surgery went well and that you have Dara there to love and support you.

{{ Hugs }}

[annathepiper]

Thank you very much. So am I! *hugs back*

[liadra.livejournal.com]

Yay for a negative path report! Glad to hear you're healing up well. ((hugs))

[annathepiper]

*hugs back!* Thanks, and yay indeed!

[lmarley.livejournal.com]

It all sounds good. Your courage is inspiring! And here's to a happy ending.

[annathepiper]

Thank you very much, that means a lot to me. *^_^* Here's to that, indeed.

[agrimony.livejournal.com]

*hugs a lot* I'm glad to hear the report was negative and things seem to be healing up well. Sorry about the freakiness, though, but I suppose it's somewhat unavoidable.

[annathepiper]

*snugsaMony* Yeah, this'll take some getting used to. It's less weird when I have on a bra, anyway!

[redcolumbine.livejournal.com]

Wow! Your approach and description... I just hope - uh - I wish everybody could be that cool-headed and gentle with themselves. (Yeah, I'm wrestling with There but for Grace - down, Grace, down!) My mother had a saline implant, and she and the doc would joke around on automotive themes every time she went in to get more saline added - needed her tire pumped, her tank filled, she was down a quart...

[annathepiper]

Aw. *^_^* Thanks!

Way ahead of you on the car jokes, though, I've been making jokes about checking my levels and rotating my tires ever since my whole thyroid situation started. ;)

[erinlin.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to here you're feeling better. *hugs*

[annathepiper]

*hugs back* Thank you.

Also, icon love. <3

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[annathepiper]

*hugs back!* Thanks. :)

[starfallz.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm glad it is look better and you're feeling well. When they removed my chest tubes after my chest surgery... I was not a happy camper.

There is a pattern out for knitting boobs and I'd be willing to make you one if you wanted to give me measurements and such, although your local knitters might be able to help you out better by being able to see how things fit in person. http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html

A friend of mine made a natural colored one out of some organic cotton, which was nice and soft.

[starsongky.livejournal.com]

I was going to suggest the exact same pattern. :)

[mdlbear]

*hugs*

I like your attitude. Second starfallz's link to knitted boobies; there may be a couple of other patterns out there. The whole idea strikes me as the right combination of practicality and goofiness.

[annathepiper]

*snugs* Aw, thanks. And heh, re: knitted things, we'll see what can be done about that!