Oh, this can't be good. Oh my no

[annathepiper]

Today's hero of the revolution is kathrynt, who last night brought me not one, not two, but three DVDs of craptastic movie goodness. Which means, ladies and gentlemen, that the Movie Suckoff Marathon is about to commence.

But I need suitable challengers for this Triumvirate of Suck, and this is where you come in! Please to submit your suggestions for which movies should go up against these contenders:

Phantom Force, a Sci-Fi Pictures Original from 2004

Decoys 2: Alien Seduction, not a Sci-Fi Pictures Original, but it did air on the USA channel, which is almost as bad

And last, but certainly not least, as this one features the redoubtable Summer Glau:

Mammoth, a Sci-Fi Pictures Original from 2006

ETA 4:56pm: Please to note: anything I have already seen is automatically disqualified. This includes the vast majority of MST3K episodes, as well as anything of Ed Wood's. Ideal contenders: big-budget theatrical releases, preferably as grandiose, overblown, and badly acted as possible. Previous contenders have included Battlefield Earth, The Day After Tomorrow, and On Deadly Ground; if you can come up with something to match those, that's exactly what I'm looking for. ;) Extra bonus points if the movies in question match up with the three above in general theme or monster type!

Comments

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes -- who can ever forget the marvellous song, Pubery Love?

Mars Attacks, featuring Tom Jones as... Tom Jones, is a close second.

Ack ack, ack ack ack ack!

[annathepiper]

Nah, you're not understanding the spirit of this thing. It doesn't qualify for a Movie Suckoff if it's deliberately funny, which Mars Attacks was. (Also: I have actually seen Mars Attacks, which automatically disqualifies it from the running.) What I need here is something that takes itself deathly seriously, and which is preferably as overblown and grandiose and badly acted as possible. Think Battlefield Earth or On Deadly Ground (two previous Movie Suckoff contenders). Or, think anything that qualified for a good solid MST3K treatment, and you'll have the right idea.

Ideally, the challengers should kind of match the three movies I have lined up already. ;)

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

'kay, point taken, and I shall most diligently, nay assiduously, apply myself to the elucidation of the most correct sacred triad of suckitude.

thinking, thinking, thinking, BING!

Panic in the Year Zero for ten points.

[firni.livejournal.com]

When I saw the commercial for this:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0925245/

I thought "is that Patrick Stewart? NO WAY would he do that."

[annathepiper]

Is this something that's aired on USA this week?

[firni.livejournal.com]

No, Sci-Fi. I saw the ads for it during BSG.

[kendaer.livejournal.com]

I'd have to offer 'Manos: Hands of Fate' as one of the worst movies of all time, but only if you don't get the MST3K'd version -- that was was redeemed simply by the fact that it was the MST3K'd version :)

[annathepiper]

Disqualified. Seen it. OWN it, in fact. ;) (We have it on tape from when we were taping MST3K episodes.)

[kendaer.livejournal.com]

:p ;)

I figured you'd seen it, but -- well, it needed nominating :)

[annathepiper]

Eh, anything that's been MST'ed already is too easy a target--as is anything by Ed Wood. Besides, Manos really IS in a class by itself when it comes to movie suckdom. Most craptastic movies, I can at least have an inkling of an idea of what the makers of the movie were shooting for. Manos? I got nothin'. ;)

[wrog]

Frogs

[annathepiper]

Which one? 1972 Frogs, or 1991 Frogs?

[wrog]

the 1972 one, of course.

(the 1991 one admittedly looks suitably hideous, but I haven't seen it...)

[annathepiper]

Hee, just checking! I'll have to remember this for a future Suckoff. :)

[cafiorello.livejournal.com]

Incubus

with William Shatner

in Esperanto!

[annathepiper]

DUDE. I remember this getting mentioned before, I think that may be a suitable contender for "Alien Seduction"! YAY!

[akadriver.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. Incubus with the Shatner is the way to go.

[annathepiper]

Sweet. I'll see if I can track it down!

Ugh.

[apel.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness. Where is my brain bleach? I did not want this mental image in my head just before bed time. Shall stop reading this thread now before it gets worse.

Re: Ugh.

[annathepiper]

Bwah! So what you're telling me is, when I actually get around to watching this thing--because I think we do have a challenger for Decoys 2: Alien Seduction--I should lj-cut the hell out of it? ;)

[(Anonymous)]

Is that dubbed, or is he an Esperanto speaker?

[annathepiper]

According to the Wikipedia page for the film, the entire thing was performed in Esperanto. Including Shatner doing his own lines, although he apparently pronounced them very, very badly. This should be... something. ^_^

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Shark Attack Three: Megalodon. It's set in Mexico, but it was filmed in Bulgaria because it was cheaper. Starring John Barrowman as a heterosexual, uh, shark hunting guy. The special effects are truly special, and the submarine appears to be bigger on the inside.

[annathepiper]

Bwahaha! I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

It's INCREDIBLE. Watch for John bringing a lobster out of the sea that's not only dead, it's cooked.

[annathepiper]

Mmm, tasty! Does he dab a bit of butter on it? ;)

[waysofseeing.livejournal.com]

Ultraviolet (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0370032/).

Milla Jovovich as a bad-ass heroine whose hair, glasses, and clothes change randomly in mid-scene for no apparent reason. Starts off with an hour of computer pixels blowing up and then takes a sharp left turn into melodramatic acting that would've looked out of place on a high school auditorium stage. Supposed to be an example of "gun-kata," some kind of weird martial arts/weapons hybrid, but you couldn't prove it by me.

[waysofseeing.livejournal.com]

Oh, and apparently there is an 'unrated extended cut' that "drastically improves the comprehensibility of the story," according to IMDB. If they say so. For the true movie-going experience, catch the 88-minute version they released in theaters.

[annathepiper]

Har! Duly noted. ^_^

[annathepiper]

Ooh, yeah, I've heard of this. This may be the third contender to go up against Phantom Force!

[starfallz.livejournal.com]

Impostor (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160399/)

Dark Star (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069945/) (This is an actual comedy, but it is still so so bad.)

[ravyngyngvar.livejournal.com]

Actually, I *like* Dark Star. :) Totally camp, and what has to be the most ridiculous alien in moviedom.

[starfallz.livejournal.com]

Oh, so does my boyfriend. But it is still a terrible movie. :D

[annathepiper]

Hee! Oh, this household is totally down with loving bad movies. Independence Day is a fabulous example--solarbird likes to say that it's a terrible film, but a great movie. ;)

[annathepiper]

Hee! I... may have seen it, though honestly I don't remember. I know I've read about it at any rate. I'll keep this in mind as a backup contender in case I don't find the three I've decided on in the local rental places. :)

[annathepiper]

I'll note these for future Suckoffs, I think! Or perhaps backup movies, since I think I now have the necessary three contenders. :) Thanks!

[janne.livejournal.com]

Battle Beyond the Stars? Not that I know if it would match any on the list...

[annathepiper]

I've got the required three contenders now, I think! But I'll keep this in mind for a backup. ^_^

[lethendy.livejournal.com]

Imposter was mentioned in another comment - it's not terrible, but it's not great either. The 40 min short is good (available on some DVD editions) - the longer movie is mostly filler. And scenes stolen from Independance Day.

Mission to Mars (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183523/). You know how much I love me some Gary Sinise? Well, I surely regretted this movie. Some people see it as a great exposé of friendship. Most of us see it as a huge pile of cak that leaves us thinking WTF? And judging by Don Cheadle's expression through most it, that's how he felt too.

[ravyngyngvar.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. Mission to Mars. I am something of a sucker for "surprise" showings at the local annual movie festival, and this was what I got. Yes, if you're in for some serious masochism, definitely watch it.

May I suggest Superman IV?

[annathepiper]

Ooh, *wince*, Superman IV... did I ever see that? I'm not sure I did. I may have to save that for a future Suckoff, though. 'Cause yeah, that's some prime Suck, right there.

[annathepiper]

Har! I've got the three contenders I want, I think, but Mission to Mars sounds like a good backup in case I don't find any of the main three. Thanks!

[iii-demon.livejournal.com]

this is too easy. i'm just gonna run a few off the top of my head... you said big budget, so i'm going there first:

starship troopers

independence day

van helsing

xXx

the last 2 there arent exactly the same scifi theme you're going for, but they're probably my favorite awesome bad movies of all time.

as for cheap and nasty, the one that pops to my mind is 'velocity trap'. i picked it up randomly at blockbuster when looking for a low budget shitty scifi turd, and it fit the bill wonderfully. its kinda a really terrible 'alien' ripoff. like 'pitch black', but without the redeeming qualities that make pitch black actually good.

i can keep going. that was just my first thoughts.

[annathepiper]

ID4 is disqualified on the grounds that I've actually seen it (and found it mightily entertaining, even though oh my yes, it's horribly cheesy)! However, the others are potential backup contenders, I think, in case I don't find one or more of the three chosen contenders when I hit the local rental places. Thanks for chiming in! :)

[brombear.livejournal.com]

The only movie that I've ever found physically painful to watch...

"Hillbillies in a Haunted House" http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/hillbillies_in_a_haunted_house/#

The scariest line in the movie...

"I feel a song comin' on..."

[annathepiper]

Heh, I've already picked my contenders if I can find them in the local video stores, but thanks! ^_^