annathepiper | I am SO DOOMED (Reply)

Last night

llachglin came over to play poker with

solarbird, which was highly enjoyable for the socialness in general and for amusing quotes of the evening in particular.

I'd come to the table to look over Dara's shoulder as she was lamenting about her cards, and I offered to hit something with hammers for her. Q was lamenting about the resurgence of her TMJ problems, and said that I could hit the sore spots on her head with hammers. Erik asked her about the wisdom of this, to which she replied, "If she hits them really hard, maybe it'll hurt less than you touching them really gently!"

Naturally, I had to call her on that one. "Nice logic there, Q!" She blinked and then burst out laughing.

Later we were hanging out in the darkened living room, since Q was also having issues with being hypersensitive to light, and she said to me, "I want fudge!"

"Damn," I replied, as the desire for warm fresh fudge dominated my thoughts. "We have no fudge!"

Full of sympathy, Kathryn asked, "Where can we get fudge?"

"We'd have to leave the house," I pointed out.

"Not if we got on the Internet and went to 24hourfudgedelivery.com and it wasn't a porn site!" she chirpily replied.

I was dubious that such a thing existed on our Internet, and further lamented, "Stupid no 24-hour non-porn fudge delivery!"

Q burst out giggling at that, too, and said, "Congratulations! I don't think I've ever heard those words in that order before!"

"And that," I said, "is why I am a writer."

Paul trumped me, though, when he and Dara and Erik looked over at us from the table and demanded to know what we were giggling about. When we explained, Paul cried, "But I wanted PORN FUDGE!"

The merriment continued as, when Kathryn and Erik were on their way out the door, Kathryn got into a debate with Paul about which was worse: the 'Sci-Fi Channel original' Alien Express, which Q has on her Tivo, and On Deadly Ground, the theatrical run of which was described by Paul as 'so bad that it sucked the quality out of movies in adjacent theaters'. Q and Paul were both absolutely adamant about their contenders, so there seemed to be only one thing to do:

Volunteer to be the independent judge in a "bad movie"-off.

I figure, what the hell. I have nothing else to do this week after Surgery Day, and moreover, I'm going to be on Percocet anyway! And I shall have Q's charming company, not to mention backup for mocking the hell out of both of these productions.

But I have my worries that not even Percocet will be able to dull the pain of back-to-back Lou Diamond Phillips and Steven Seagal.

I am SO DOOMED.