Pitch practice update

[annathepiper]

Y'all know how I have said before that I tend to fall behind on my LJ comments? Well, I'm getting caught up again today, and I have some additional comments in from pinkdormouse, who jumped in on the thread here. Those of you who were participating on the pitch practice thread before, stop back by and give her pitch a glance and offer your comments! Thanks. :)

Comments

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Like our intrepid hostess, I too am unable to put my finger on the thing the pitch needs. The genre's clear enough. The hero's intriguing. Maybe we need some mention of the villain? If the hero's a demonologist, then presumably the villain's a demon, so maybe that's not it. Possible we need to know what kind of action he takes next.

If I were an agent or editor, I'd be worried about three things:
1) Since you have a hero whose job is research, will the plot and pacing have enough action? I'd be concerned that he'd hit the books and just keep at that, drowning the reader in exposition before the chase/fight/magic/whatever really got going.

2) Have you done enough research to write a believable scholar? Have you dealt with academia enough to make a university setting believable? Have you researched demonology enough to make his body of knowledge feel lived in?

3) Can you write a believably British character? Have you done time in Britain? Better yet, are you British? Plenty of Americans assume they can get by writing Brits based on their book and media consumption, but it's so easy to get things howlingly wrong.

The answers to those questions don't need to be in the pitch, of course, but if the initial pitch goes well and you get follow-up questions, those might be among them.

[annathepiper]

I'm not sure pinkdormouse saw your comments--might want to go repost them on the original thread? Or I can post a pointer for her to come look at your comments on this post. :)

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Some great points for me to answer there:


1) I was trying to keep my description of the hero concise, maybe I should include something about either his fencing/swordfighting skills or the fact that artefact has reappeared while he's been adventuring abroad (a simple field trip can easily turn into something far more involved). A lot of the research is involved with actual tracking down of contacts since the artefact has been missing for the sixteen years between when the hero first saw it, and it's reappearance around the time his ex-girlfriend died. And the first fight scene proper takes place in Chapter Three.

2/3) I'm originally from North Derbyshire, which is what I'm basing my novel's fusion of Christianity and rural tradition on.

I was privately educated in Sheffield from the age of nine, and am basing the female lead's background on pupils and teachers from that school.

I'm an Edinburgh University graduate, a Cambridge PhD-dropout, and have a range of contacts who are/were working in academia/research in Oxford, Cambridge and Edinburgh.

Why Oxford rather than Cambridge? Partly the fact that the city feels more compact, and partly because of the Pitt Rivers Museum, which is only now starting to catalogue its vast collection, and so is an ideal place for artefacts to turn up with no real provenance.

I live with the owner of a large collection of occult books; two of my contacts ran an occult bookshop before turning to writing; another contact lists 'professional exorcist' amongst his talents; I've put a lot of thought into my novel's mythology, although I admit it still needs a few tweaks. The one thing I haven't done yet is visit the Witchcraft Museum in Boscastle, mainly because last year's floods happened two days before I booked my trip there, and I haven't had much opportunity to travel since the museum reopened. I'm not sure how important that's going to be, as I've used alternative sources due to the problems caused me by the flooding of the village. If I set a subsequent novel in Cornwall, I shall be paying a visit, obviously.

Does that answer all your questions?

Gina

[annathepiper]

Commentary on your novel aside, it sounds as though you have quite the circle of interesting friends!

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It makes a change from the 'are all your friends weird?' comments I sometimes get.

Gina

[annathepiper]

You're quite welcome! Perhaps it says something about the sorts of folks I hang out with myself; your crowd sounds quite cool. :)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you're ready to field any question that might come up in a pitch session.

At a group pitch session at WW, I watched with interest how an author's answer to the editor's initially skeptical questions about the book's Native American elements made all the difference. The author's ability to speak as an insider about the community she was writing about made her sound not only authoritative as a writer, but also marketable as a speaker. Obviously, you've got comparable moxie.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the encouragement.

Gina

Better Late Than Never

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I said I'd post my pitches, and then didn't get around to it. So here they are.

The pitch for the 5-volume series:
In a city divided, wracked by riots and intrigue, one aristocratic family must learn to set aside a glorious imagined past and embrace an uncertain future. A commoner family must learn to see beyond tragic grievances to ally with them, before they all lose their last chance to set their world right. Our unlikely companions master lost ancient magics to win free of an age of tyranny and foreign invasion and build a democratic future for their beloved city.

The pitch for the stand-alone prequel:
The bastard daughter of a forbidden court dalliance casts her lot with a peasant rebellion, rather than serve her parents' murderers as disposable royal governor of a half-conquered tribute state.

Can you tell I read Machiavelli a few too many times?