Pitch practice!

[annathepiper]

So tonight, I'm in the middle of reorganizing a lot of my story notes, to get my list of various concepts that I want to work on updated. And I find myself in a position of practicing the pitches for Lament of the Dove and for the overall trilogy it goes in, The Dove, the Rook, and the Hawk. Posting this outside the Writing filter just because I want to maximize the potential set of folks who'll see this, so's to get the maximum possible feedback for this, my second exercise in writing a pitch for one of my novels. But if you don't want to know even the base concept of what Lament of the Dove is about, don't look behind the cut!


I've kind of got two pitches I'm playing with here--the one for the first book and the one for the trilogy. I'll list them both here just for giggles. Suggestions welcome on how to make 'em snappier! I'm not quite sure I'm happy with either of them.

Lament: "When an assassin steals a young half-elven healer out of slavery, the knight who is sworn to pursue them is forced to question the very order he serves."

Trilogy: "A knight, a slave girl, and an assassin uncover corruption at the heart of the Church that dominates their homeland."