Plausibility check!

[annathepiper]

Posting this outside the writing filter to maximize my audience, though this is a writing question! I am in the middle of doing what I HOPE will be the final revision of Chapter 1 of Faerie Blood, and am adding a bit more action to the chapter in an attempt to jazz it up some. As part of this effort, I find myself with the following going on:

1) Heroine runs over glass on the Burke-Gilman trail, flattens both her tires.
2) Heroine is accordingly very cranky.
3) Heroine is picking up the glass when she is jumped by the troll.
4) Heroine thinks, "HOLY SHIT! A MONSTER!"
5) Heroine instinctively does what any right-minded reasonable person would do, and immediately tries to employ the nearest source of escape at hand. Her bike.
6) Heroine jumps on bike. Tries to take off at top speed.

Now, given that I have established that both her tires are flat, is it reasonable for her to try to zoom off down the trail, only to have the bike refuse to go anywhere because its tires are flat? What I want to have happen is for the bike to buck as she tries to take off, and slap her into the ground--giving the troll enough time to catch up with her and jump on her (and the bike, which falls on top of her). But I just want to make sure this is believable. Ruining her bike is not a problem, as the troll's going to bend the hell out of the frame anyway as it jumps on it in an effort to get to her. But what would be reasonable damage for the bike to take from the failure to escape?

Comments

[avram]

"Jumped by a troll"? If the monster is that close, there might not even be time to pick the bike up and mount it. Maybe Heroine should just run. Or do you need her to get on the bike for some reason?

[annathepiper]

Ah, let me clarify--the way I have it written right now, the troll doesn't actually get to jump her. She hears and smells it coming--it's REAL hard to miss. So she has a second or two to go "EEK, monster!" and start trying to run like hell. The bike is the first thing she thinks of, because, well, it's RIGHT THERE. Not a rational choice, but that's part of the point. ;) Because there's a MONSTER jumping out of the bushes at her, so she reverts to instinctive reaction rather than rational.

[avram]

I've never actually tried this, but I have driven a car with one tire, and the ride was wobbly. It'd probably be even wobblier on a bike with two flats.

[annathepiper]

*nodnods* I too have been in a car with a flat tire, having blown out a tire on the way home one night. I remember that pretty distinctly. :)

[jesshartley.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't see someone who's being chased by a monster especially at close quarters getting on a bike. Human instinct takes over, the use of tools goes out the window, and we just plain run away. If, however the troll was approaching from a distance, or was in some way delayed (behind a fence, across a ravine, etc, then perhaps the sheer immediate need to flee would be delayed enough to get on the bike. But I would think that need would also give the heroine time to realize "tires flat" and either make the decision to try to ride on the rims, or abandon the bike all together.

For a bike bucking, maybe something could get caught in the wheel (twig/branch/pant leg, etc?)

[annathepiper]

Kendis does have a span of a couple of seconds before the troll actually catches up with her--as I mentioned in the comments to agrumer, she does hear it coming and smell it coming, so she has a little bit of warning. She also sees it jump out of the bushes, which is the point at which she goes "EEK! MONSTER!"

The reason I am considering her jumping onto the bike--momentarily forgetting that she has just flattened both the tires--is because she very possibly could outrun the troll. It's more about strength and brute force than it is about speed. So I need to delay her long enough for the troll to catch up with her, and then make it impossible for her to actually run away--thereby giving Christopher, my hero, a chance to come charging into the fray.

The area in question is on the Burke-Gilman trail in Seattle--so what she has around her is a stretch of bushes on one side and grass on the other, beyond which are small trees overlooking houses down on the edge of Lake Washington. Nothing really in the way of physical obstruction to slow the troll down from getting to her.

Once the creature actually catches her, I think I know how the initial stage of the fight is going to play out; mamishka has given me handy suggestions for that. So the part I just need to figure out at this point, I think, is #1, whether it's plausible for someone to have a momentary brain blip in this situation like Kendis is having about her tires, and #2, what'll happen when she tries and fails to ride off.

Right after #2, the troll's going to catch up with her anyway, so she doesn't have time to decide whether to abandon the bike or run like hell. ;)

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

Now, am I on your writing filter? I had better be...I thought I was....

Anyway... It is plausible for anyone to forget - especially in that moment of terror. You just want to get away and at first glance the bike looks like a good vehicle for getting away. Now depending how on light the bike is and how heavy the heroine is, she will almost immediately bend her rims if the wheels are flat. No way of getting around that one.

That might either help in that she flattens the rims so she can ride some distance away before the troll gets her, or it can make her go "clunk clunk CRASH!" and then the troll gets her, anyway.

Is the trail gravelly? That is also another factor which can play well. She can slip and spin in place - and hopefully that won't turn into anything too comedic - while her rims just scatter the gravel about. Heroine is doomed without the tires, and I still think any rational person would have that momentary lapse of intelligence in remembering what's broken/useful on their person.

My two cents, anyway. :)

[annathepiper]

You weren't in the writing filter, but you are now. :) I don't add people unless they specifically say to me, "Hey Anna! I want to be in your writing filter!"

Hrmm. I have not established much about Kendis' bike, past that it is several years old and tends to require her to do frequent maintenance on it. I'm not seeing it as an ultra-light sort of bike in my head, but I could buy that if she tries to peel off at top speed and she's just cut open both of her tires, one or both of her rims are going to bend.

Most of the Burke-Gilman trail, at least the parts I am familiar with, don't have much gravel. The trail itself is generally paved with asphalt, though there are rough patches here and there where the asphalt has cracked or sunk into the ground. And there is sometimes some gravel on the sides of the trail between the asphalt and the grass--in fact, such gravel is mentioned a few paragraphs later in this scene. So she could probably skid a bit on some of that gravel... just enough to keep her from going anywhere.

That would work, since the only real thing I need to accomplish here is slowing her down long enough for the troll to catch up.

Thanks for chiming in! :)

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

Yaaay, filterage!!!! Thank you, kindly, ma'am!

Yeah, the rims are great when you've got functioning tires, but if you have to ride on your rims, you will bend them, unless, of course, you're some emaciated sort (did I spell that right...?!) and your rims are made of steel. They should immediately go to pot (like previously stated) but if she jumps on her bike, trying to run hard and fast, that's a lot of pressure. Her rims aren't going to last.

Glad my two cents was worthy! ;)

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

Whoops! I meant to say they shouldn't immediately go to pot. I swear, I type too fast, sometimes....

I'm going to have a lot of reading to do, aren't I? Just to catch up? WHEEEE!!!!!!

[annathepiper]

Mm, no matter. The bike's going to take considerable damage from the troll anyway, so whether or not the rims are bent is pretty inconsequential. ;) Skidding along the gravel as the bike goes "uh, I don't think so" when she tries to peel off should be enough to accomplish the purpose of having my pissed-off troll catch up with her.

And heh! I've got a LOT of writing-related posts, but the most recent ones at least are the best ones that talk about the current status of this book. I finished off the second draft at Worldcon; this is the third one, underway.

[pauldf.livejournal.com]

From personal experience, bikes withstand a fair bit of damage on their tires and remain rideable. (I've ridden a bicycle with skinny tires that were flat across bumpy dusty playa at Burning Man.) However, the combination of flat tires and a fair bit of glass embedded in the tire would make the bike somewhat harder to control and slow your heroine's progress. If she's a good cyclist, she'd probably learn to compensate reasonably quickly and be able to get most of the way to her normal speed.

If I were in her place, I'd jump on the bike and try to use it in an emergency even fully aware that the tires were flat.

[annathepiper]

Kendis is a pretty good cyclist; I have her on camera as using her bike a lot to commute to and from work, and she's been biking since she was in college.

However, as previously mentioned on the thread, she doesn't really have time to do much of a judgment call before the troll catches up with her.

Thanks for chiming in! ^_^ Hi Paul!

[gazerwolf.livejournal.com]

Another possibility is for her to get up to run from the troll and have to go OVER the bike to do so in the most direct path. Trip over bike.

If the get on bike thing is a must then perhaps you can have a shoelace get caught in the chain on the remount.

[annathepiper]

Well, by this point I've revised the chapter the way I want it, I think. :) And I like the idea of having her try to get on the bike just because it seems like her first thought is to get the hell out of there, and that's the first thing she thinks of. I don't want to have her trip and fall, just because that's old hat for letting somebody get jumped by a monster.

But thanks for chiming in! :)

[kieri.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree with the side that things jumping on the bike is a little, well, strange. I'd just bolt, personally, going the opposite direction.

You could always have her try and go cross-country towards a lit building, or something, and get snared in kudzu or blackberries. They're all over the place on the Burke.

[annathepiper]

Mmm, well, I've already written the draft. ;)

And like I said--Kendis deciding to hop on the bike isn't necessarily a rational choice, and that's the point. Because this smelly, hairy MONSTER has just leapt out of the bushes at her, and this is a girl who to date has not yet realized that there are critters such as this in the world, so mostly what she's thinking is "AAAAAH RUN AWAY!"

And since she's on her way home as she does every evening, biking on the trail, it is her habit to think of getting on the bike. Because that's what she's used to. She does immediately realize that that's a mistake, because she's just flattened both the tires--but by then the troll catches up with her.

And that's all I really need to have happen, because this is only the first little bit of the entire scene. I just need her distracted long enough to have the other important character in the scene make his entrance. ;)

Thanks for chiming in, though, hon! :)

[kieri.livejournal.com]

Any time. :) Heroes are allowed to do stupid things from time to time. Otherwise they wouldn't be very interesting.

Though were it a movie, I'd probably throw popcorn at the screen and declaim her as an idiot who deserves to get eaten. ;)

[annathepiper]

She'll get more clueful as the story progresses--this IS only chapter 1. *giggles* Duly noted about the popcorn, though. ;) Hopefully the chapter will actually read well!

Plausibility check

[(Anonymous)]

Car tires are harder to flatten than you think-I've run over broken beer bottles with the raggedy edge facing up. Bicycle tires are the exact opposite-you can stare at them hard and they'll go flat..tiny thorns,shards of glass-anything almost will flatten a bike tire...even with that "gorilla snot" in them that's supposed to prevent flats.(never use this crap.It will gum up the tire valve) Riding a bike with a flat is almost impossible,and you would ruin the rim and cut the tire/tube up...Scott

Re: Plausibility check

[annathepiper]

Thanks for the input, Scott!

As I've mentioned elsewhere on the thread, destroying the bike's tires isn't really much of a problem. ;) The rest of the bike's going to get trashed anyway as my heroine tries to use it as a club to beat on the critter coming at her, another maneuver which isn't exactly going to work. Mostly, the entire point of this exercise is to make her delay just the few crucial seconds necessary for the troll to catch up and get her!